Man, I hate admitting I was a former gossip. But if you knew me anytime before I was around 21, you already knew this about me. I would hope if you have met me afterward, that hearing I am a former gossip is shocking and unbelievalbe (because I am so far from that now.)
I was never malicious or spiteful. I innocently, mostly, just spent some of my pass time talking about "what all was going on." It seemed everyone I spent my time with did the same. Problem #1. I also was super insecure, and don't we all feel better when we are reminded/or remind our selves that there are people out there who aren't really perfect either. Problem #2. I also spoke without thinking. I love to talk. I love people. I love to interact. But when I am not thinking about what I am saying...well...Problem #3. There are plenty more I could list, but all in all I think I just had to grow up. Or at least mature.
So here I am roughly 10 years later from that place and am so thankful I can look back on it instead of being in the midst of it. So I thought I would blog about gossip today so if anyone I know is struggling or has struggled we could relate and I could share some love. :)
For fun I looked up the official definition of gossip. Basically it is talking about people with unconfirmed details. Okay, yup, I officially was a gossip then. Bleh.
After I became self aware, I made a very conscience decision to never talk about anyone. Like. Ever. If I saw you in Walmart I wouldn't even tell Ben or anyone else I saw you. I was still trying to find my balance I guesss. I kinda went from one extreme to the other. I still am trying to find my balance with that. I want to be honest with somone when I am asked a question, but I also don't ever want to be so honest I can be hurtful to someone. I want to be a good friend and listen when someone needs to vent or talk through struggles they have. But I also don't want to get caught in the crossfire of drama. I want to vent myself and seek wisdom and counsel from my closest friends who love me and are able to encourage me. But I also don't want to go around spreading wildfires in the process of venting. I do not want to lose any ounce of the character I spent the last decade trying to repair/build.
So here are my guidelines for staying out of trouble and sleeping well at night
-If someone starts to gossip, change the subject.
-If you are upset and need to vent, that is okay. But check your motives. Are you truly seeking wisdom and counsel? Even comfort is okay to seek, but not at the expense of robbing ANYONE of their character. I always try and make sure the friend I have decided to invest in will hold me accountable and not just take my side.
-Accept you will mess up. There are still days I walk away from a converstaion and have a Homer Simpson "doh" moment. But I always reflect and if I need to correct something or explain something I do it. Even when is stinks. If you mess up, congratualations, welcome to humanity. :) Now go fix it. Apologize if necessary. :)
-The world doesn't revolve around you. This was huge for me. Once I stopped thinking things were directed at me or about me, I became more postive and amazingly enough that helped drive me away from talking about "what all was going on" and really allowed me to talk about the real things in life that were happening. :)
-If you have a problem with someone, as akward as it is, go and tell them. I promise it will be more akward later when they find out you have told everyone in the county about your problem with them. Trust me on this one.
-Be prepared that what comes out of your mouth cannot go back in. If you aren't prepared to own up to it later, save it for your dear diary. :)
-Lastly, if you are talked about I know it hurts. Really. But give the same grace to someone that you would expect to be given to you and look at it as an opportunity to build a loving relationship. :) That saying "hurt people hurt people" has been around for awhile because it's true. But a wise woman once told me that "loving people love people."
I am still a work in progress and have so much more to work on. I hope this post doesn't seem like I have it all together. Cause I don't. This is very different from my normal blog post, but it is something that I have wanted to share about. I still get tempted sometimes to dive right on into a conversation I have no business diving into. I still get tempted to ask somebody about something I have heard. But then I remember the book of James. There is so much in this book that talks about the tongue. It can be a blessing or a curse. I hope to others I am a vessel of encouragement and love. I hope if I am ever less than that, they let me know :)
