Isn't it amazing how different scriptures or songs can hit you differently depending on the season? I listened to this song after the passing of my Grandpa and could almost rejoice with him that his journey was complete. He was no longer bound by this world or the heart break it could unleash, but he was free. Free to LIVE in perfect union with God.
I can remember praying for my Mom as she was on her journey of finding herself and getting back to who she wanted to be. Lord be with her, show her she is no longer chained to a lifestyle or way of living, but that she is free to run to your feet and be restored to who you created her to be. I prayed that prayer so many times.
But today, on a day when I didn't feel like even going to church those words meant something new to me.
I don't know what dealing with stress looks like in a "normal" way, but I tend to retreat. I will not call people back, I will find any reason at all to not show up for social stuff, I will not go to church, and well, yup, that about sums it up. Thankfully I have a terrific Godly husband who will call me out on this quicker than anyone. :)
So after we show up to church in my comfortable back row spot, I was so blessed to hear this song in worship. I am so thankful God opened my heart up to what He wanted to show me. My chains are gone...how reassuring to know "my chains are gone" Not only am I free from the bondage of sin, I am also free from worry. Recently I found out that my thyroid isn't doing what my Dr. had hoped and I am up for a potential removal. I know this isn't the end of the world. There are so many people who have had this surgery and actually feel better. But this is where my pride comes in to play. I don't want anything to be wrong with me. I want to go about my merry way and do my thang just the way I like to do it. Ain't nobody got time for another recovery or to not feel well. Or so I tell God.
God is drawing me near trying to comfort me, and I instead find myself sitting on the floor refusing to look for His glory in ALL my situations.
I feel even more guilty for my attitude when I think of those who are struggling with real disease and hunger. Then there is shame. Shame for feeling like a big giant baby who doesn't want to have to "go through anything." Shame for feeling annoyed this is even happening.
There are other times when I walk myself through what all this might entail and I get scared. What if something goes wrong? What if they can't get my medicine lined out? What if I am rushing into this and not waiting on a healing?
With that also comes shame. Some believers will tell me I am not speaking life over myself. I am not supposed to speak those things over me. So then I go ultra positive like nothing is going on and some look at me like I am cray cray for not taking this serious. Oh Lawdy.
But today I realized all of these thoughts, whether they are the annoyed ones, scared ones, or thoughts of shame, they are not the thoughts I want to be focused on.
My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God My Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood His mercy reigns, unending love Amazing Grace.
Today I replace any worry or shame with these lyrics. Over and over I say them to Him, and with a humbled heart I rejoice in knowing he is patient and loving enough to allow me to sit at His feet and rest in the fact He already took it all on for me, for lil ole me...
